Thanksgiving Scrooge

So, this week is Thanksgiving. It's supposed to be a time to focus on all the good things in your life and all the things I'm thankful for, and whenever I hear the term "Thanksgiving Dinner," I picture the family dinners of the past, where we would go over to my grandmother's house in North Hollywood and I would dread the whole day because my whole family would be watching football and I would retreat to the downstairs bedroom to watch movies and get away from all the crazy people hooting and hollering upstairs.
Or the trips out to Las Vegas to see my dad's parents and Grandma would make her green Jello salad. Around that table during a Thanksgiving dinner was where I learned that brevity is the soul of wit. My brother had always been the funny one and of course I wanted to be just like him. But, like all little sisters, I fell way short of my own expectations and more annoyed everyone than made them laugh. Anyway, my dad had had shingles recently that had left a one inch indented scar across the bridge of his nose. I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention and I heard my dad say something about, "the skin off his nose." Being completely serious and not even thinking about making a crack, I smarted off with, "Don't you already have enough skin off your nose?" Well, the entire family exploded into a roar of laughter. I look over at my idol, er, older brother, to see tears coming out his eyes because he's laughing so hard. We must have gone off for literally five minutes. It was a proud, defining moment in my childhood.
I have so many great memories around those Thanksgiving tables. That's what makes this year so hard. Today marks the three month anniversary of my Grandma Drake's death and tomorrow is the two month anniversary of Grandpa Marty's death. They always say that the first holidays without your loved ones are the hardest and this isn't going to be any exception for me.
Am I being completely selfish? All I can think of are the people that I've lost and how much they have added to the happiness of my memories. I'd give anything to be eating Grandma Drake's green Jello salad this year. I'd even eat the walnuts that she always put in there! Or to be sitting next to Grandpa Marty, huddling our heads together and laughing.
I really SHOULD focus on the good things in my life. I really am a very blessed person. I have parents who have been married for 31 years and are more in love today than ever. I have two jobs in an economy when some people don't have one. I have a place to live with electricity, running water and a little bit of food on the shelves. I have my dog Roxy who greets me with kisses whenever I walk in the door. I can walk, speak clearly and don't have any major medical problems. I have a handful of friends I can count on no matter what. And I have happy memories from my childhood, many of which came from the people I have recently lost. But I know that we loved each other and that no one will ever be able to replace them. So I guess I should be thankful for that too.