All Things British

I'm really bitter against all things British at the moment. There's a convention in town at the resort with people from all over the world. Unfortunately, tipping practices are not consistent across the board so for the most part, if they have an accent, you're going to get screwed. Case in point:
Today I was inside. I had a party of six that sat down and ordered a round of drinks, but then asked if it would be possible to sit outside. I checked with the front desk and informed the table it would be about a half an hour. They got a couple appetizers and waited. They ordered another round of drinks and their table was ready. Only four stayed: an American, a Britain, an Italian and another guy who didn't speak at all. I delivered their drinks outside and they made a big stink about how they wanted me to be their server and could I please still wait on them. Richard was kind enough to let me keep them and I was optimistic that my night might not be a total loss.
I joked, I kidded, I listened to the American at the table wonder out loud how much it would cost for a couple of thai girls to massage his belly while he ate (the visual alone was enough to make me gag.) They even said that if I spoke in a British accent for the whole meal, they would "increase my tip exponentially."
Well, apparently, "exponentially" means letting the British guy pay and getting totally gypped. So, after running around, speaking ridiculously, and getting nauseous with the visual given by the gross American, I made a lousy 10%. And this was only after running around to find them at the other bar outside the restaurant because they didn't leave me the signed copy of the credit card receipt. If I didn't do that, I would have gotten stiffed totally on the $252 check.

So, I've discovered that this rule goes across the board: The more time you spend with your table, the less they're likely to leave you. So, forget the stories. You don't REALLY care about my life or my dog. Skip the verbal tip and show me the money. I'm not working for fun here people.