berlin wall

i've never been so comfortable
as i've been my days with you
i have no masks
no false pretenses
and i know i don't have to.

but i'm the one who's holding back
afraid to really let go
of all my fear
of my lonely past
and i'm shocked i let you know

that night you held me as i cried
it felt like i had come home
you saw my heart
and cuddled my soul
you started breaking down my stone

the walls i'd put around my heart
have kept so many away
i still have some
they're starting to fade
you'll tear them all down some day.

Man on The Moon

As I look up at the face
Of the man in the moon
I wonder, "Can he see
The depth of my wounds?"

With his eye overlooking
All of this world
Does he ever hone in on
This dumb silly girl?

A girl who's afraid
To let someone in
Because when she does
She gets hurt again

A girl who is simple
Who just wants to be loved
Who hasn't figured out
When too much is too much

So tonight I'll look up at
That man on the moon
And pray that this heartache
Will go away soon.

©Mandi Walker
10/27/10

rumbling thunder

I feel like I'm at a point where things are finally supposed to finally be happening for me, but they're taking a long time. It's like I hear the far off rolling thunder and I'm waiting for the sky to break and rain it's sweet release all over me. I figured out a path for my education so I should be starting school soon. My job sucks, but i know it's a means to an end and although it's slow right now, it'll hopefully pick up soon and my car and my last credit card will be paid off soon. Since I've literally had no choice but to learn to be happy with less lately, I'm happily having a yard sale and getting rid of some of the clutter and crap in my life.
Along with getting rid of the crap is letting go of people or friendships that are of convenience. I've met some really great people here in Phoenix and they're the ones who I'd rather invest my time and energy into. I've always been the "people pleaser" and I have a tendency to put others needs before my own. I think I'll just go with the flow and invest in those who have invested in me.

Waterlogged

You're like a drop of water
That falls down in my ear
No matter how I shake and kick
You're always fucking here

I try to wait it out with time
Maybe patience is the key
But day after day, hour after hour
You're still here with me

A Q-Tip! Maybe that will work
To dry out your gushing sounds
But I can't plunge one through my heart
Where your memory abounds

So I guess the want of me and you
Will be like that tiny drop
Evaporating slow, but part of me
Until the moment that it's not.

Mandi Walker
3.10.10